Entry #40 - A Cartoon I Made A Long Time Ago

I am not much of a drawer, but I guess this is sort of funny. I don't really remember drawing this, but I think it was during my freshman year of college or maybe senior year of high school, I don't know. If I remember correctly, I went through a cartoon phase, where I wanted to make a comic book or something unrealistic for me. I made tons of these, but scanned a couple. I found another one, but it had grammar problems and was very unfunny. This was part of a series, I called Tales of Something Some-What Interesting. Maybe tomorrow I will make the first new entry in the series in about five years.

Entry #39 - My Favorite ALF Episode

I was bored and searching through the many shows on hulu and I thought I would share with you my favorite episode of ALF.

In the episode, ALF is obsessed with the TV show Gilligan's Island and decides to build a lagoon in the backyard. After alienating the Tanners and hitting his head, Alf or Gordan Shumway daydreams visiting the famous castaways. Like Alf, I also love Gilligan's Island and would like to have a lagoon in the backyard.

This episode is like surf & turf, two amazing things on one plate.

Entry #38 - Blah

BLAH

Entry #37 - GIFS FOR ALL

Entry #36 - Another Video I Made

I have been slacking on this blog this week. A blog a day is alot of work. I don't care. Watch this, I guess.

I made this video along with Andrew Ford, one bored night.

Entry - #35 Watch this movie

Everyone must watch this movie. It's great and free.

Entry #34 - STUDENT FINDS 1949 WHEAT PENNY

WEST UNION, OH - On October 8th, college student and part-time worker at Blakes Pharmacy, Eli Osman, 22 discovered a mildly rare 1949 US Wheat Penny in change given back from a elderly customer.

“Wow, look at this a 1949 Wheat penny! It’s still pretty shiny for a sixty year old coin.” Eli said to his fellow co-worker, Kyle Young, 25.

“That’s cool, I guess.” Young stated.

The 1949 Wheat Penny with a value of 10-20 cents was then brought to Manger, Joey Traylor, 41 for inspection. Traylor’s inspection of the coin was cut short due to a waiting customer purchasing Quality Choice brand mouthwash.

“I’m just glad a found such an old coin. I hope I find more rare coins in the future, like a 1945 penny or something.” Osman told reporters. Osman proudly placed the coin in his pocket.

Entry #33 - Random YouTube Search

Today's Random YouTube Search is...Batteries

Entry #32 - Pictures, I Guess.

Google Image Search...Floor Model TV

Entry #31 - Slasher Friday on Saturday

I had a busy day yesterday working on friend of the site, Tucker from This Coleslaw Makes Me Sick new short film and also being trapped at Wal-Mart and Sunset Bowl for several hours due to a massive thunder storm and flash floods. Adams County, Ohio was hit really hard last night by crazy flash floods. I was trapped across town. Roads were block and destroyed, my 94' Camry could barely make it through several feet of water and I couldn't find wifi. So, I couldn't do my normal Slasher Friday. Today will be Slasher Friday.

I thought, I pick another slasher film from Netflix Watch Instantly so you readers can watch it too. There is too many slasher films unavailable to the general movie goers. Also, today's will be a special Entry with help from another friend of the site, Andrew Ford from http://andrewmeadford.wordpress.com/ who is also watching the same movie and doing some sort of counter point thing. His will be posted tomorrow, most likely.

And today's film is...

The House of Sorority Row (1983)
Directed by Mark Rosman

Summary According to imdb: A group of girls staying at a sorority house clash with the house's owner, who wants them out. They decide to play a prank on her, but it goes awry and she winds up dead. Panicking, the girls try to hide the body, but someone (or something) witnessed the crime and begins to stalk them.

This is a slasher film I have not seen, but I actually enjoyed the remake, which I watched with Andrew Ford. I have been meaning to watch this film. I heard from other slasher fans that this movie is OKAY and if you like murder, nudity, and sex in your slasher film you will enjoy this. Since I'm currently still in college and been around sorority girls, I am looking forward on see some of them die. In a fictional sense, I am not a monster.

Random Thoughts

• June 19, 1961. Should I write that date down? Will I need to know it for later?
• So glossy, my own flashbacks are never that glossy. I don't buy it.
  
• Child Births in 1961 are so barbaric.
  
• Whats up with this score. Is the composer aware he is making a slasher film.
  
• I really don't want to see coeds get killed to the score of 8 1/2 Weeks or whatever shit movie this score should belong too. I don't know.
  
• The coeds are now drunk and one made a joke about being born with a silver spoon and something about her nose. I don't get it. I hope she dies.
• Ms. Slater seems mean, I hope she dies.
• Such suspenseful music for burning a few group photos.
• There is always some guy named Rick in this movies. I don't know any Ricks.
• 16:46 Boobs.
• 17:12 Sex
  
• Ms. Slater is surprised and angry a sorority girl is having sex.
• 18:35 Death of a Water-bed.
• Planning a prank is fun and never causes a psycho killer.
• Radioactive Spider=Spiderman, Prank=Psycho Killer. Medical fact. Doctor Approved.
• Pranks involving guns are always smart.
• Wow, the prank didn't work.
  
• I love 1980's themed parties, these college kids made it look authentic. So retro.
  
• Seriously, the weapon in this movie is a bird cane.
• Ha ha Fat Gut in his underwear.
• Put a shirt fatty or die.
• "I'm a Sea Pig" - Fat Guy.
• I will pity fuck the hell of that fat guy. He is a Sea Pig.
  
• oh, the dumb one died.
• Which dumb one, you're probably thinking.
• Am I supposed to figure out who the killer is because I don't really care.
  
• Talking about a canning. Walka-Walka-Walka
• For a 1983 Slasher, it sure takes itself serious. I guess slashers don't become crazy and a joke until 1984.
• Barely any gore, hardly any nudity and sex. This slasher film is boring.
• I don't think these girls are fans of Citizen Kane anymore.
  
• Oh No, the killer is not who we thought it was.
• Plot twist.
• The cane with the pain.
• this ending isn't too bad. Slightly different from the other. Slightly.
• I wish the fat guy was the killer because he is a Sea Pig.
• The killer looks like the killer from Funhouse only cheaper looking.
• How did he get in those clown cloths so fast. That's amazing.
  

Okay is the appropriate word for this movie. I actually like the remake more. So if you want to watch this movie, watch the remake first, then if you can't get enough of Sorority Row, I guess you can watch this movie.

Grade: C+

Take out lookout for Andrew Ford's follow up. http://andrewmeadford.wordpress.com/

Entry #30 - Long Day

I had a long day...This is all you get.

Entry #29 - BEHOLD...GIFS!

Entry #28 - Why Did I Buy This?

I have a problem with money. I spend it all on DVDs. I discovered about all places that sell DVDs in a 25 mile radius of me at all times, no matter where I am. My favorite places to purchase movies is Big Lots and Pawn Shops. Movies are normally about 3 dollars or less at these places. And every once and a while, I have to ask myself "Why Did I Buy This?" I am completely aware I buy more DVDs than I have time to watch them. A few months ago, I purchased Rules of Engagement - Season One at Big Lots for 3 dollars and today, I was wondering...Why? I have never seen this show and even though I love sitcoms, this kind of family relationship sitcoms, I dislike. So, today I will watch this show and you'll see my thoughts.

The Premise I Figured Out by Looking at DVD cover: A young couple and old couple are friends and neighbors. David Spade is there unwanted single friend who happens to be David Spade. Also they all sleep together in the same bed, like some sort of CBS sitcom version of Big Love with David Spade.

Pilot

Random Thoughts

• David Spade is such a bachelor, I think this will come to play in this series.
• The Tick/Brock Samson is so domestic in the show.
• Wow, get edgy joke. Men like Baseball. Woman like Skin Cream.
• In real life, no one in apartment buildings know there neighbors. I don't know mine.
• This guy wants cake way too much. I get it you like cake.
• That wasn't funny, Studio Audience.
  
• Again with the fucking Cake.
  
• This show should be called Rules of Cake. That's funny.
• David Spade is funny because he's creepy.
• Maybe Cake of Engagement is a better title, now that I think of it.

Cakes of Cakement is a TV show, I can't take that away from it.

Grade: C-

Entry #27 - Lost (Season 6 Episode 16)

Instead of reviewing a movie today, I am going to review a TV show. Since Lost is ending next week, I thought I do my whole review thing with tonight's episode. First off, I've been watching this show since the beginning and secretly hated since the 4th season, but its almost ever. So far I think this season has been OK, except for last weeks episode which I consider to be the worst of the series. Bad acting, Bad Characters, The whole episode should have been a 10 minute flashback at most. But they did answer some questions people had at one point, but now forgot or never really cared about.

Summary: ?

Random Thoughts

• Oh, Yeah the minorities died.
• What, no flashback of last week shitty episode.
  
• Alternate Desmond does a good Aussie.
• Just die already Kate, die. No one likes you.
• I don't care Kate.
• I need me some Desmond, He's the only good character on the show.
• Its not an episode of Lost unless Ben gets the shit beat out of him.
• I tired of all this Jacob stuff.
• The Buddy Cops are back.
  
• I fucking hate you, Kate.
• Is that a Ghost Campfire? A campfire made by Ghost.
  
• Ghost Campfire sounds like a stupid Boy Scout story.
• Bat-Manuel, Noooo.
• That Happened Suddenly....Susan.
• Alternate Ben might hook up with Alternate Crazy French Chick.
• The smoke monster has always been really lame.
• Going by last week's episode The Man in Black and Jacob are nothing but a two whining babies. I don't like either one.
• I'm still laughing at my Suddenly Susan joke. SUS-AN.
• Ghost Jacob must made that Ghost Campfire.
• Why are other people dying that isn't Kate?
• Should I watch Lost or answer my phone? I choose phone.
• I'm back now. Missed Alternate Locke see Alternate Jack.
• He crossed out her name because he hate her, like I do.
• You where never given an interesting character.
• I would like to see Splice.
• I do not like to see The Gates.
• There actually may be some descent shows this summer.
• Even Alternate Kate Sucks.
• She is a bad cop like she is a actor.
• The Alternate-verse is way more interesting.

Grade: B-

This episode is OK, just like this season, but I do enjoy the Alternate Earth.

Entry #26 - Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness

All this week. I will Review One Movie a Day. This is the First.

Its Monday and I'm bored. What is there to do? How about, review some random movie off my Netflix Watch Instantly queue. And today's feature is...

Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness (1986) Directed by Tim Ritter
87mins

Summary According to imdb: Mike Strauber catches his wife Sharon in bed with his best friend Jerry. He gets mad and takes off to embark on an adventure of murder and self-mutilation in demented games of truth or dare.

Random Thoughts

• I bet at some point I will criticize this so-called critical madness.
• Awesome, right off that bat with Boobs. Good start with any "Bad Movie"
• Shot on Glorious 1980's Video.
• NERD!
• This score is pretty much just a small Casio piano with random wind chimes.
• Crybaby!
  
• So what your wife/horrible actress is cheating on you. It happens to most couples.
• Seriously this score is worst than the Winterbeast Score. Its pure genius.
  
• He's too sad to get out his Camaro.
• Nothing like walking depressed on the beach.
• I want to cheat on this guy.
  
• What a fuckin' Nerd.
• Nothing like loosing your shit in a Camaro.
• I never find hitchhikers that hot nor big-breasted. They are normally crazy looking guys with a bag full of cans.
• He is now camping with the big-breasted hitchhiker.
• She just a big-breasted hitchhiker, she doesn't care about your problems.
• Lets play Truth or Dare?
• Stupid NERD. Picking truth.
• What The? Is the gore edited out?
• Oh Snap, Big-Breasted Hitchhiker is imaginary.
• This nerd just cut off his own finger, tongue and cut his chest.
• This movie is Critical Madness.
• The shitiness of this movie is almost overwhelming.
• I think his tongue grew back or something. He's talking fine now.
• 13 months later, time for some Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness.
• Apparently this movie is big with some hardcore horror movie junkies and I see why.
• There still is gore in this movie, but the shots of the actual killing is cut out. or maybe the director didn't know how to do deaths scene so he just simply cut to them bleeding. I am going with the latter. its really strange and terrible.
• I am pretty sure this movie was made over some weekend. That includes pre and post production too.
• I love this score so much.
• This movie keeps breaking the camera line.
• He just made some old crazy cuts his old hand off.
  
• And where the hell did he get that grenade from? I have absolutely no idea where to begin to get a grenade and this son of bitch snuck one into a mental institution.
• He now lives in an institution, obsessed with a homemade orangery mask and is violently breaking out. That sounds just like Rob Zombie's Halloween. The homemade mask even looks the same.
• I think Rob Zombie made more of a remake of this movie than Halloween.
• It must be hard to drive with that mask on.
• Yeah, a weird guy in a homemade mask is the kind of guy I would like to start shit with. Smart move stereotypical random street thugs and normal looking family and some other random guy, I didn't get a look at, who is now on fire.
  
• What the hell?! He has a machine gun now? Where is he getting these from?
• This Cop has an awesome Panda shirt on.
  
• He is just killing random people now.
• This Panda Cop is amazing.
  
• There is so much crazy awesomeness, I don't have enough time to write it down. And I'm too lazy to go back.
• Ha! Panda Cop killed the wrong guy.
• Also his Panda shirt is at least 2 sizes too small for him.
• He just stuck a chainsaw out of the window and cut a kid in half.
• This movie so is awesome and Bad. Great Group Movie.
• You can't stop him, only Panda Cop can.
  
• Apparently Tim Ritter has made 2 sequels. I must find them.
• Ends with Panda Cop getting yelled at and looking sad. Them a Soft Rock Ballad.

This movie better and/or worse than I ever thought I would be. I suggest everyone watch this movie. Its on Netflix Watch Instantly and Its the definition of AWESOME.

Grade: F
Entertainment Value: A

Trailer

Feature Length Making Of Documentary

Entry #25 - VHS SUNDAY

Its a lazy Sunday and in the vain of my Death Ship entry, I will choose a random old VHS movie I have and review it or whatever it is I do. So, Today's feature is...

Terror at Red Wolf Inn (1972) Directed by Bud Townsend
aka Terror House
Secrets Beyond the Door
90mins

VHS Cover Art

Summary According to imdb: College student Regina comes back to her room from class one day to discover she's won a getaway vacation at the quiet Red Wolf Inn. Before she can even call her parents to let them know where she'll be, the lodge owners arrange her transport and she soon finds herself with two other young women as guests of a kindly old couple. The place is beautiful and the food is fantastic, but something just doesn't seem right. One of the guests has suddenly vanished, and the hosts are certainly reluctant to have anyone poking around the meat locker. Still, the barbecued ribs are delicious, so what's there to complain about?

I had this VHS for about six or seven years now and ripped it on DVD about a year ago as I did many of my VHS's including Death Ship. Technically I'm watching a DVD but its a VHS-rip, so it cancels itself out. I guess. I have not seen this movie nor heard nothing of it. It was a random purchase I got from a closing video store in Seaman, Ohio for a dollar. I am so brave to watch this. So Brave.

Random Thoughts on Terror at Red Wolf Inn

• Great Academy Home Entertainment logo.
• What is that in her mouth? A chalk board eraser? Weird.
• Cheesy 70's Soft Rock Opening Music!
• Regina won something and no one cares. I care.
• What kind of man calls himself Baby John?
  
• I bet his parents are Cannibal Hotel Owners.
• "Is that a walk-in freezer?"
• This is a long dinner scene.
• It just eating and silence with an occidental laughter.
• Not to forget the nonstop moaning. More moans than a porno.
• This is a long dinner scene. LONG Dinner Scene.
  
• Why is the graduation theme playing?
• This movie is 70% Dinner Scene.
• Bud Townsend the director of the Alice in Wonderland Musical Porn is trying to get all artistic with this non-dinner scene Dream Sequence.
  
• I do love the noise of an old Grandfather clock.
• This is a very subtle movie for a cannibal film or a cannibal caretaker film.
• This sure is a sex-free movie from a guy for directed porn.
• Baby John is yelling "Shark!" while smacking a small shark against a rock. Then stops looks at Regina and says, "I think, I love you" and walks away. Genius.
• Regina starts to bury the shark in the sand.
  
• Another Dinner Scene.
• With more alcohol and party hats.
• Nothing entertains drunk college students more than Shakespeare.
• Surprisingly this is not a bad movie, just a strange movie.
• Finally the first death. And its the black girl.
• Way to be racist, Movie. And she dies in her sleep.
• Way to boring, Movie.
• I just got it. Red Wolf Inn is a play on Red Roof Inn. Funny Stuff.
• This movie made me hungry. Eatin' Me Some Chicken.
• Oh Snap. Cop is also a grandson.
• There are heads in the walk-in. Those go on people,not in walk-ins.
  
• Also heads in a walk-in may also cause spontaneous slow-mo.
• Yes, Regina swim to freedom. Are you even on an island?
• Why do these people want to eat there customers? How can you make business when you kill every possible repeat customers. They all had a good time until they killed them. These cannibals aren't very business savoy.
• In this movie, they have human meat like more like beef, but I heard its more like pork.
• This movie is full-on weird now.
• OK. Weird ending.
  

Strange movie. Its very different than I thought it would have been. As cannibal movies goes its more like Parents than Motel Hell. Its more about creepy characters than violence. Its not as good as Parents, but a decent enough movie.

Grade: C+

Entry #24 - Random Pictures

Today, I don't feel like writing a big piece. So, instead I am going to type a random word or phase into Google images and see what comes up. And the word/phase/thing is...Broken Refrigerator

this is my most boring post yet.

Entry #23 - Slasher Friday

Eli Osman's Top 10 Favorite Slasher Films: Part III
Die Darkman Die

I know, you trusty readers have been waiting and waiting for Friday to come. Your minds have been unable to focus all week, your school/job/parenting has suffered. But now the wait is over. Today is Slasher Friday or whatever. Its time to finally finish my top 10 favorite slasher films with my final two slasher films. The anticipation has been greater then I would have ever thought. I am not saying there has been mass chaos in the streets because of the demand of Slasher Friday, but a small gas station in Kansas was looted. So, I apologize for your wait.

2. Black Christmas (1974) Directed by Bob Clark

Summary According to imdb: The story is simple: right before Christmas break, an unseen psycho sneaks into the attic of a Canadian sorority house, menacing the girls with obscene phone calls, and starts to kill them one by one.

Everyone always says Halloween (1978) is the first modern slasher film, but I say Black Christmas is. Halloween does have its place as the most important slasher film, but Black Christmas is perfected the style before John Carpenters classic. The creepy stalking POV shots, dangerous holiday, the gruesome deaths, the hot chicks are all done to perfection. While Halloween relies almost entirely on suspense, Black Christmas relies on realistic characters you care about, creepy atmosphere, and slight dark humor. Instead of just surprising you with scares. Bob Clark makes you care about the characters actually hoping they live and the killer is one of the most disturbing killers in slasher film history and you never see him. This film rakes on high on my favorite horror movies in general. Every Christmas Eve, I watch this movie. If you love movies and never seen this film, shame on you.

1. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) Directed by Joseph Zito

Summary According to imdb: After the confrontation with Chris, Jason presumed dead, is taken to the Wessex County Morgue. There he escapes killing an attendant and a nurse, making his way back to Crystal Lake Camp. Six teenagers rent a cabin next to the Jarvis' in Crystal Lake. Soon Jason finds his way to eliminate all who trespasses his way, but not for long. There are two survivors left, a girl and her little brother, Tommy Jarvis. The final battle will define their destiny, be prepared for the Final Chapter.

This was the first slasher I had ever seen. I was around five or six years old and I fell in love with this movie. Its has the best gore, characters, humor, dances, and Jason then all the other Friday the 13th films. The final scene and death of Jason is amazing. Tom Savini came back for this film and blew it out of the water. It also stars Corey Feldman and features Chrispin Glover. COREY FELDMAN. CHRISPIN GLOVER. Directed by Joseph Zito of The Prowler and Missing in Action fame. I still remember watching the old VHS tape of the film taped from HBO. I watch it over and over again. I actually have a Jason Vorhees tattoo I got on Friday the 13th last year. To most people this probably not the best slasher film and even I will admit its not the best made film ever, but this film was a big part of my childhood. While most kids were obsessing on Star Wars and I don't know Muppet Babies maybe, I was watching this film.



And let me get something straight, I am not really a hardcore horror film junkie. I love all films. To be honest I love westerns the must. Westerns have the biggest influence on me as a filmmaker or wanna-be filmmaker. Slasher films are just a genre of films, I grew up watching and learned to appreciate what they have done to cinema. Slasher films may be cheap rip-off movies made only to make money. But they form a unique style and started a film movement. In a normal film standards these films are terrible, but no one will admit they are boring.

Honorable Mentions

• Halloween (1978) - Don't get me wrong I like this movie and I appreciate what the film was done for the slasher film genre, but its simple not my favorite. No where near the best John Carpenter film.
• Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Has by far the greatest ending of all slasher films.
  
• Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) - Greatest non-slasher sequel to a slasher film. Stars the great actor Tom Atkins, who I will be making a film with this August. Also I did a scene from this movie in an acting class.
• April Fool's Day (1986) - Just a plain old fun slasher.
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1972) - I don't really count this film as a slasher, that's way its not on the list.
• Alone in the Dark (1982) - Jack Palance and Donald Pleasence is amazing in this film.

Entry #22 - Hip To Be Square

Hip To Be Square

I once had this strange dream; it was the type of dream that stuck with you for a while. You just can’t shake it loose. The dream was more than any normal dream. It was a dream I remembered.

I was standing on a pier by a large river in a big city, very similar to Chicago. I was waiting for this white van to pull up. It was a cloudy cold afternoon and I was wearing shorts and a blue polo shirt with a scarf and gripping a tambourine. Soon, the white van arrived and a group of large bald men carried musical instruments to the end of the pier. Suddenly, a large limo appeared and the band, Huey Lewis and the News climbed out.

“You must our new band member.” Huey Lewis said in an uninterested tone. “We start in five minutes, be ready.”

I was nervous. I have neither sense of rhythm nor any interest in playing the tambourine. I also only knew a few Huey Lewis and the News songs. I knew my first performance with them was going to be a disaster.

Instantly, the pier was covered in people and I was standing in front of the band. Huey Lewis and the News began to play to what I assume was supposed to be “I Want A New Drug.” I clammed up and started to panic. I didn’t know the tambourine part to “I Want A New Drug” nor did I know the song had one. Huey Lewis became furious. He stopped the song and started yelling at me. “You’re out of the band.” Huey Lewis screamed.

I threw down my tambourine and shouted, “Fine, I don’t need to be in Huey Lewis and the News. I can find better 1980’s band to be in.” Then I flew away in anger and became Batman. The rest of the dream consists of me beating up random bad guys as Batman, but not in a Batman costume, just my normal clothes. Sadly, that part is a normal dream for me.

When I woke up, I was angry with Huey Lewis and came to the conclusion that he is an asshole in real life. I know it isn’t right to be angry with someone for something they did in your dreams. But why would he have me in his band in the first place? I have no reason to be in any famous 1980’s rock band. Plus, Huey Lewis has done nothing to me to prove that he isn’t an asshole.

I have no idea how to make sense of this dream. Some people believe dreams represents hidden emotions, true feelings, and even future events or other psycho mumbo jumbo. A lot of people try to make sense of dreams, thinking all dreams have a deeper meaning. If you read into anything enough you’ll find a deeper meaning. I believe dreams are just random set of memories, some recent some not. As for Huey Lewis and the News, I hope they find a better-experienced tambourine player in someone else's dream.

Entry #21 - Random YouTube Search

For Today, I was going to try something different. I am type in something random into YouTube and see what the magic of internet will bring. And the phrase is... Pacman Fever.

The Last video is pure genius.








A TRUE SONG OF THE AGES.

Entry #20 - My Life Through Stallone

My Life With Stallone

“NOTHING IS OVER!” Rambo shouted from a shot up police station, completely surrounded by the town’s entire police force. “NOTHING!”

The final scene from First Blood changed the way I looked at action films. Before, I thought action films were nothing but entertainment and mindless violence and I loved them for that. But with First Blood, I realized an action movie could both be emotional and personal. They can be so much more. In the final scene, Rambo reveals his disappointment with the Vietnam War, the home front, and the monster it turned him into. Sylvester Stallone gives a riveting performance as the tormented war vet, John Rambo, not just a badass, but also a badass with serious inner turmoil. First Blood was the first action movie I had seen with a social message. I learned Stallone was an action movie star different from the rest. Other than acting, Stallone also writes, directs, and even for a short period sung country music with Dolly Parton. Stallone became my favorite actor and his films part of my life.

Demolition Man (1993)
Character – John Spartan

I once ate dinner under the naked frozen body of Stallone from Demolition Man at a Planet Hollywood restaurant in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I walked in the restaurant with my family and instantly noticed the suspended-in-frozen-animation body of John Spartan hanging from the ceiling. I knew immediately that I had to dine on this strange planet’s finest cuisine underneath it.
It was really surreal and a little unsettling eating my New York style Cheesecake under a naked frozen body. I took a picture with my disposable camera. The cheesecake was good.

Judge Dredd (1995)
Character – Judge Dredd

After seeing this movie, I spent an entire week afterward constantly repeating the line, “I AM THE LAW” in brilliant Stallone fashion. This process would repeat after every viewing.

Oscar (1991)
Character – Angelo ‘Snaps’ Provolone

I once saw someone selling one hundred copies of the DVD on eBay with a “Buy it now” price of $300. It was very tempting to purchase this lot of one hundred DVDs. Who in their right mind would sell one hundred copies of the same movie, especially a mediocre screwball gangster comedy from the early nineties? I assumed the only person who would have one hundred copies of Oscar in the first place, would be director John Landis or Stallone himself. If, in the future, I randomly give you a copy of Oscar on DVD – two things have happened: I have run into some extra cash and I have been driven completely insane.

Victory (1981)
Character – Captain Robert Hatch

This was the first, and – as of now, the only – movie I’ve seen that features an actor with the last name of Osman. Sadly, that actor played a Nazi. I was hoping someone with my namesake would be a good guy. Typically, every character named Eli is either evil, insane, religious, mentally retarded, or evil insane religious retarded, like in Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest and There Will Be Blood.

Over the Top (1987)
Character – Lincoln Hawk

Because of this movie, I refer to arm wrestling as playing “Over the Top”. But I always have to explain myself every time I use it.

The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (1970)
Character – Stud

This is Stallone’s first movie. It is also a soft-core porn and better known as Italian Stallion. My only viewing of this film was with a group of people I had just met. I was currently working on a horror short film called Thankless Job, which I co-wrote and was producing.

I went to this our makeup effects guy’s house to get my stomach cast in plaster. I was going to get my guts ripped out for a scene. His roommates just got back from seeing porn star Ron Jeremy speak and everyone was in the mood to watch some cheesy seventies porn. As his roommates piled in the living room, I was standing in the middle with my shirt off, having my stomach rubbed down with plaster. To make matters even stranger, one of his roommates started taking pictures of this process for his portfolio. Oddly, his roommates seemed really jaded by a half naked guy getting a rub down in front of them while watching the lovemaking's of Stallone. I now sympathize with the young Stallone that was pressured into porn and understand his career more. I realize now that out of shame comes greatness.

Rambo (2008)
Character – John Rambo

Greatness.

Entry #19 - I Don't Got Enough Time #1

HERE IS THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY NEW PODCAST.
Enjoy.

DOWNLOAD HERE

Entry #18 The Laugh Track

THE ART OF THE LAUGH TRACK

A LAUGH TRACK TV SHOW - ALF


A NON-LAUGH TRACK TV SHOW WITH A LAUGH TRACK - ER


A LAUGH TRACK TV SHOW WITHOUT A LAUGH TRACK - FULL HOUSE



A MOVIE WITH A LAUGH TRACK - FRIDAY THE 13th PART III



THE ART OF THE LAUGH TRACK

Entry #17 I Keep Forgettin'

MICHAEL McDONALD. SWEET JESUS HE IS SMOOTH or smooooth.




So fucking smooth.

Entry #16 - Top 10 Favorite Slasher Film: Part II

Since it's Friday, I thought I would finish part 2 of My Top 10 Favorite Slasher Films. I was originally going to post part 2 the next day, but I got bored with it. So, I guess I will makes this a Friday feature. SLASHER FRIDAY or something to that effect. I'm just spit balling here. Maybe every Friday I will talk about a slasher film or films or whatever all involving Slasher films. I think this sounds good, I'm OK with it. Any-who...

MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE SLASHER MOVIES

5.) The Driller Killer (1979) Directed by Abel Ferrara
Summary According to imdb: An artist slowly loses his mind as he and his two female friends scrape to pay the bills. The punk band downstairs increasingly agitates him, his art dealer is demanding that he complete his big canvas painting as promised, and he gets into fights with his girlfriends. When the dealer laughs at his canvas he snaps, and begins taking it out on the people responsible for his pain and random transients in the manner suggested by the title.

I'm a big fan of Abel Ferrara. He's raw, strange, cheap, darkly humorous, and loud. The first thing you see in this movie is: THIS FILM SHOULD BE PLAYED LOUD, which I abide by. Since this film is an early slasher film, it's a very different kind of slasher film. The film follows the killer as he descends into madness through the streets of scummy crime ridden 1970's New York City. I love the post-apocalyptic look of 1970's New York and very few movies capture that. Troma's Combat Shock is another movie that perfectly captures the horribleness of 1970's New York. I can not recommend this movie any higher. I found the whole movie on youtube, which is below. There is no reason not to watch it.

FULL MOVIE



4.) My Bloody Valentine (1981) Directed by George Mihalka
Summary According to imdb: There's a big valentine-party planned in the little coal mining town of Valentine Bluffs, Nova Scotia. It is the first Valentine's Day party in 20 years, because then there was an accident in the mine, and the accident happened because the men responsible for the security was at the party. The sole surviving miner, named Harry Warden, later killed them, and told the town NEVER to arrange a Valentine's Day party again. The party begins, and so does the killing...

This is the best non-Franchise 1980's slasher film. If you want to start watching slasher films, I suggest the Friday the 13th films and My Bloody Valentine. This film is the perfect slasher film gateway. It's full of interesting enough characters, awesome death scenes, and great atmosphere. Even the 3D remake wasn't that bad, but I suggest the original first.

My Bloody Valentine 1981 Trailer from Bob Benkosky on Vimeo.

3.) Friday the 13th (1980) Directed by Sean S. Cunningham
Summary: YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW.

This is one of the most important slashers movies of all time. Also my favorite movie franchise. I watch these film over and over again as a kid. But today, I realize the true importance of the first film. This film made violent deaths in movies famous. This movie is the reason I like slasher films. Bored Now.

Instead of a trailer, here is a shitty Fan Film.


THE FINAL TWO FILMS WILL RETURN IN...
MY TOP 10 FAVORITE SLASHER FILM - PART III: DREAM WARRIORS