Entry #78 - NETFLIX MOVIE OF THE DAY

Netflix Watch Instantly just added over 100 movies to it's Watch Instantly Catalog, about 20 pages worth. But what makes me excited is most of these movies are strange, super-obscure movies previously unavailable on DVD, there is a good chance some of these movies haven't been seen since the days of Beta Max. Hell, they even added the "Citizen Kane" of Zombies coming out of the TV movies, The Video Dead. The collection of shitty movies for me to watch is astounding. I even saw one from 1971 about a Half-Man Half-Octopus amazing titled Octaman, which sounds like a future Eli Osman.com classic. Looking at the choice of movies for me to cover for this entry alone was a chore. I mean, look at these movies. They have the forgettable Ally Sheedy movie, Maid to Order, some Sean S. Cunningham movie called DeepStar Six, The non-3D version of Amityville Horror 3D, The Fred Willard or is it Fred Ward time traveling dirt bike movie Timerider, fucking Ladybugs, some sort of movie called She about a warlord and scantly clad woman in the post-apocalyptic future,  another post-apocalyptic movie about skateboarding youths and a magic orb called Solarbabies, MOTHER FUCKIN' CLAMBAKE, a movie about soldiers and aliens fighting Nazis in a POW camp titled Zone Troopers, and countless others I don't feel like writing about. My queue is now completely full, but it only holds 500 titles.

So without further notice, I proudly chosen...

Order of the Black Eagle (1987)

Directed by Worth Keeter

93mins.

Rated R

Summary According to Netflix

In this outlandish spy-film send-up, James Bond wannabe Duncan Jax (Ian Hunter) and his tank-driving baboon infiltrate a South American lair where a group of Nazis scheme to revive a cryogenically frozen Adolf Hitler. Armed with high-tech gadgets and joined by sizzling hot lady agents, Jax turns his mission into a wildly explosive crusade against the fascist baddies. Worth Keeter directs this over-the-top action flick.

DAMNIT!  JUST FOUND OUT THIS MOVIE IS A FUCKING SEQUEL AND IT IS ALSO ON NETFLIX WATCH INSTANTLY. SO TODAY'S MOVIE OF THE DAY IS ALSO...GOD DAMNIT!

Unmasking the Idol (1986)

Directed by Worth Keeter

90mins.

Rated PG

GOD DAMN Summary According to STUPID Netflix

The fate of the world rests on the shoulders of international super-spy Duncan Jax (Ian Hunter) and his indispensable sidekick, Boon the baboon, who must block the power-mad Scarlet Leader from executing a plan to power up World War III. Facing his stiffest challenge yet, the master ninja's mission is to storm the Caribbean stronghold of reclusive computer wizard Goldtooth and unman him of the atomic keys to destruction. 

FUCKING SHIT! I wanted to watch this awesome sounding, rated R, over-the-top action flick, but NOOO! It had to be a sequel to a even shittier sounding PG kids fest. DAMN YOU NETFLIX. One bad movie is great but, two is way too much. GOD DAMNIT! Just look at the poster. Duncan Jax looks like a FUCKING DICK. Probably does children. STUPID sequels. Unmasking the Idol better be worth my time or I swear to God, I will kill Worth Keeter, that Worthless piece of SHIT. I am so GOD DAMN Angry I just realized I made a FUCKING pun. Unmasking the Idol is making me write Puns. FUCKING Puns. DAMNIT, I got to watch this movie. Just Look at it. LOOK AT IT! What is that poster? What I am supposed to be looking at? Is he wearing a Tux with a shitty kids ninja mask? Seriously, What the FUCK is that Poster? You're all probably thinking just watch the sequel. NO! NO! It doesn't work that way. Life isn't that easy. I might miss some key story plots in the complex saga of Duncan Jax.   To makes matters worse, the movie is 90 minutes long. 90 minutes in a bad movie is actually 3 hours in normal time. Like the shitty Ninja stuff I'm about to watch, I also have honor. I must watch both of these movies, because someone has too. No matter how what movie, I shall watch the original before the sequel. FUCK! Lets watch this piece of SHIT.

Random GOD DAMN Thoughts on the Piece of SHIT, waste of time movie,

Unmasking the Idol

• 2 seconds in and I'm already tired of STUPID FUCKING Ninjas.
• A Ninja just jumped into a pool from like 20 stories and I am supposed care.
• He is now apparently floating away.
• FUCK YOU, MOVIE! 

• This is the shittiest Bond Rip-off title sequence and song ever. 
• Some sort of Ninja doing ninja yoga and explosions.  
• Duncan Jax is like a cross between James Bond and Will Patton.
• I have no opinion on Will Patton.
• "What's a Ninja?" - Duncan Jax.
• FUCK YOU, DUNCAN JAX! YOU KNOW GOD DAMN WELL WHAT A NINJA IS! DICK!
• I do enjoy monkey sidekicks though, mostly when they are dressed in people cloths. 
• Boon the Baboon is also wearing a tux.
• Apparently Boon the Baboon is also a Ninja.
• How do you teach a monkey martial arts?
• Duncan Jax pretty beat up a group of guys because they where excited to see a Baboon.
• Duncan Jax is a FUCKING DICK.
• "I don't like monkeys except to eat."  - Asian Version of Q
• I don't care what they are talking about.
• The bad guy sounds like an evil Mr. Moviefone.
• THE MISSION BEGINS - actually a title card.
• Duncan Jax's Ninja costume is the shittiest one I have ever seen.
• He must got his Ninja mask from Wallgreens.
• Boon the Baboon's Ninja costume is better.
• I feel like Jack Palance and Lee Van Cleef could show up at anytime. They are always in these type of shitty movies.
• STUPID MOVIE.
• I going to do some other stuff while I watch this.
• Awesome a sale on Farscape on Amazon. Don't have the money though.
• Oh No closing wall. The monkey looks panicked.
• Bored.
• I care at all on whats happening in this movie.
• Something about Ninja sounds makes me sleeping.
• I am on the phone and I didn't even pause this FUCKING movie.
• I DON'T CARE.
• Ended with Boon the Baboon farting. 
• Why not.

This movie was stupid and boring, I had a hard time wanting to pay attention to this movie. Now I can watch the movie I originally planned to watch.

Random Thoughts on the Hopefully Better Film, 

Order of the Black Eagle

• MGM? Weird.
• OK Hitler is in this. That's good, I guess.
• Hitler is only in this, not like the first one which was made by Hitler.
• Or at least a more boring version of Hitler.
• "THEY SAID IT COULDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN"
• I would like to see Boon the Baboon fight Nazis. 
• Both of these movies surprisingly have really good transfers. I never have such shitty movies with such good widescreen transfer.
• A guy fell down the stairs.
• Really we couldn't tell that is Washington DC, you had to tell us. I guess they thought the shot of the White House wasn't enough. 
• Watch out Stereotypical Arabs Villains, Duncan Jax is watching you from the vents
• Boon the Baboon is wearing a tux with a cumber bun. 
• A Red Cumber Bun.
• "You Can't park that here." - Party Valet. Boon the Baboon does the "Up Yours" arm movements. Party Valet is unnaturally frightened. 
• Is Duncan Jax having a romantic drive with his Baboon? because it sure looks like it.
• 2nd "Up Yours' from Boon the Baboon. he got cut off by a horse.
• Tippie Youngblood.
  
• I like how casual Duncan Jax holds his baboon.
• And no one really seems to notice the baboon. Its like they are all baboons all the time. 
• I don't think I have ever seen a baboon.
• 15 minutes in and already 50% more Boon the Baboon. which is good. I guess.
• I do like how Duncan Jax and Boon the Baboon wear matching cloths.
• Its adorable.
• To spice up this movie experience, I'm going to now watch it on my iPod Touch. 

• I'm at work. It's a slow day.
• Such a small small screen.
• Somehow this angers David Lynch.
• Hey Orson Welles Called, He said you're a doppelganger.
• He also says Hello.
•