Entry #73 - FACTS TO LIVE ON

Fact #45

This Explains Everything.

Entry #72 - FACTS TO LIVE ON

Fact #66

I like to think somewhere out there in this big world, two guys are moving a large sheet of plate glass across the street.

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Entry #71 - Random Pictures

Today's Random Picture Topic From Google Image Search is...Copier Machine

Entry #70 - UNFINISHED ENTRY - TV Pilot #1 "Automated Pilot"

AN UNFINISHED ENTRY FROM 7/18/10

I have always loved TV. Truth be told, I watch way more TV than I do movies. I normally write about movies and write movies, but TV is what a dream of. In college, I wrote and performed in a children show called Confused? which I believe still exists. It was a cheap show on student ran public access, but it was a learning experience and taught me how to write in nothing but shitty puns. (note: Insert pun here later for joke.)

There is one thing I love about TV, the art of the TV pilot. The desperateness and awkwardness of the pilot has also interested me. The next project I worked on for the student run public access was my own show called Automated Pilot, a show with every episode being a pilot for a new show. This show was to show my love for the trying-too-hardness of the TV pilot. Surprisingly enough, we were canceled after only making one episode, which never aired. The other students didn't know what the show was and the main guy in charged was a fucking idiot. He looked like he was at least 35 years old, but in reality I am older than him. I am still little bitter about the situation but its time to move on. It is strange to have a failed TV Pilot about TV Pilots. 

The Pilot episode of Automated Pilot was called Hobo-Town and featured a strange sitcom about Great Depression era hobos written entirely in hobo-lingo or Great Depression Era Slang. I directed the episode and Co-wrote it with Andrew Ford. Its weird and stupid.

For today's entry, I am starting a new TV Pilot review series and for the first entry is the previous stated Pilot. I have not seen this in quite awhile and could be a fun exercise to do my stupid random review on my own work. like most creative type people, I have a love-hate relationship with my own work. Anywho.



Automated Pilot - Unaired TV Pilot from Eli Osman on Vimeo.

Random Thought on Automated Pilot: Hobo-Town

• Who is that Handsome Man in the Handsome Talented Suit?
• ITS MEEEEEEE!
• I'm wearing a whale tie and drinking out of a whale mug. My character loves whales.
• MY NAME.
• Yeah, the much loathed wrap around.
• I wish you could see my Jeff Bridges pony tail.
• These flashbacks are lame.
• Shittiest looking office ever, It looks like rape.
• Another fucking flashback. I wished I cut those out.
• First Hellcopter reference ever.
• Today's Traffic Report Calls For Fire and Brimstone.
• My camera style is..I'm tired of this film lets shoot this quickly.
• Finally Hobo-Town
• I wish I worked with the actors more, but making a movie is hard.
• I hate this scene, all you hear is gravel.
• To be honest, I really didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Still don't.
• I forgot what some of this words mean. But so did America who forgot the way of the noble Hobo.
• Trivia Fact: The deranged Hobo played Me was originally written for Jeremiah Young. I was only to play the Network guy in the opening. 
• Trivia Fact: Those are real trains.
• First appearance of Chad Grooms, our group's Bruce Campbell or our Actor.
• That is supposed to be French, but I don't speak it.
• Trivia Fact: The guitar says; "This connivance destroys oppressive forms of government."
• Chad drove all the way to Athens from Cincinnati for a non-speaking role.
• I realize now, making a show with nobody able to understand the actors, kind of alienates the audience. 
• Not a smart move on my part.
• The love relationship isn't too bad, some people said its there favorite part. not sure who said that though.
• His arm is really tied up in his jacket. Wow! the magic of cinema.
• He actually broke that guitar. Again I'm amazed with the magic of cinema.
• I hope cinema catches on.
• 
  

Entry #68 - FACTS TO LIVE ON

FACT # 321

You can't feed a mogwai after midnight and Oprah says you shouldn't eat after 8pm it isn't healthy.There is a connection somewhere in there. I bet one of Oprah's favorite things is non-chewable clock wire.


FACT # 48

Never do the Banana in the tail pipe trick in a garage.

Entry #69 - UNFINISHED ENTRY - Movie of the Day..."The G.I. Executioner"

AN UNFINISHED ENTRY FROM 7/3/10
 
I have been slacking on post lately. I really haven't been busy, I really just needed a break for a little while. Doing a post a day was getting tedious. It got to the point I could think of anything to post. I believe I posted a random episode of CHiPs one day. Don't get me wrong I love CHiPs. So, to make up for my absence, I am going to review a movie for today from the deep depths of the Netflix Watch Instantly vast library and today's movie is...

The G.I. Executioner (1975)

Directed by Joel M. Reed

84mins

Also Known as Dragon Lady and Wit's End

Summary According to Netflix 

Although he calls himself a freelance journalist, Vietnam vet Dave Dearborn (Tom Keena) has the luxury of being a millionaire and spends his time operating a disco in the Singapore harbor. But when he mixes with a notorious Red agent named Mr. Lim and his buxom stripper mistress (Victoria Racimo), Dave's life becomes one big run from the commies. This perverted B-movie romp holds the record for the wildest all-nude shoot-out in film history.

Trailer

Preface

I like the Netflix summaries more, they are more colorful. Frankly, the summary along the Joel M. Reed made me want to watch this movie. I have seen Bloodsucking Freaks in my youth with some fond memories. I remember a funny midget and a crazy animal-like caged woman eat a penis in a hoagie bun. Bloodsucking Freaks was one of the first shocker horror films I saw even before Cannibal Holocaust and was seen in the early stages in my love for Troma. I believe I watch it in the late nineties. I rented it on VHS. Even though I have not seen that movie since nor any other Joel M. Reed films, I call myself a fan. I heard and read about the craziness and sleaziness of his movies and I am looking forward on watching this film. 

Random Thoughts While Watching

• The Main Theme song, Wit's End by The Jason Garfield has awesome all up in it.
• Fuck Yeah, Knee that pimp in the dick.
• So far this film screams Buster H. McHenry.
• Joel M. Reed should have made Hellcopter.
• MONKEY!
• MONKEY IN FUNNY SHORTS!
• Put a shirt on, skinny white guy.
• This main guy looks a lot like Jeffery Combs.
• The acting in this film is amazingly bad except for Earth 2 Jeffery Combs.
• This actually resembles a real movie, that's one up on Bloodsucking Freaks.
• The Jason Garfield is pretty rockin'.
• "I bet you didn't know this is a whore house for homosexuals?"
•  I am shocked there is women is this film who are not naked. Well there is two women who yet to be naked but I am only 15 minutes into it.
• This movie is full of prostitutes and prostitute jokes.

Entry #67 - Facts to Live on

Fact # 22

After watching Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, I learned playing Simon Says is a good to break out of jail. It worked on Proctor.

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Entry #66 - My Top 5 Failed Movie Ideas EXPANDED

1. FUTURE JAWS: REVENGE OF THE STAR SHARKS

• Based on a dream I had. A diverse group of scientist accidentally get sent in alternate dimension where the world is covered in mostly water and man and electricity never existed and the Sharks reign. The Sharks also have the power to teleport.  

2. THE CHRISTMAS PUPPY'S TEARS FOR JESUS

•  A boy dying from cancer makes a Christmas wish for his dying puppy to be cured and the puppy also makes a Christmas wish for the boy to be cured. The bond between a boy and his dog will make us learn what love really means. Based a Country Song, I must record.

3. SAVE THE REC CENTER

•  A diverse group of teens special skilled at __________ must save the rec center from an evil ________ who wants to tare down the rec center for a __________.

 4. ATTACK! BIGFEET! ATTACK!

• A crazy man living in the mountains has an army of Bigfeet to do his bidding.

5. TIME-X

• Not sure what this idea is. Maybe something about time travel and/or a magic wrist watch. Not sure, but I bet its good.