Since I recently changed my banner/logo thing to a weird barbarian picture, some of my trusty readers have asked me what movie is that from. Today I am proud to announce that picture is from the movie...
Time Barbarians (1990)
Directed by Joseph John Barmettler
96mins
Summary according to Netflix:
When Doran (Deron McBee), warrior king of the forest, butts heads with the evil wizard Mandrak (Daniel Martine), he puts his entire kingdom at risk. Following a barbarian war, Mandrak kills Doran's warrior queen, Lystra (Jo Ann Ayres), and escapes through a time portal to modern-day Los Angeles. Hell-bent on revenge, Doran follows Mandrak through time but finds himself trapped in a confounding world he doesn't understand.
Truth be told, I have not seen this movie. I found the picture randomly and it made me laugh, so I threw my name on it, like some sort of Spanish explorer or Thomas Edison or something. I can't think of a good joke. Those will do. So, not to promote something I have not seen because I have some sort of integrity, I went to track down, Time Barbarians. Luckily, I quickly found the movie on Netflix to watch instantly. So for today's Movie of the Day is the Conan the Barbarian / Deathstalker / Beastmaster ripoff and Troma released film, Time Barbarians.
Random Thoughts on Time Barbarians
- I am digging this Megaforce like two-tone opening credits and the early final fantasy NES score.
- Balls! A Scrolling Text.Awesome
- IN AN ANCIENT TIME OF SWORDS AND SCORCERY LIVED A REMOTE TRIBE OF BARBARIAN WARRIORS WHO BATTLED THE FORCES OF EVIL. THESE BARBARIANS WERE PROTECTED BY THE POWER OF A CRYSTAL AMULET. THIS IS A STORY OF THEIR KING.
- They misspelled sorcery in the scrolling text. I am not scared.
- 3 Minutes in and an sword fight. Awesome.
- Gotta love cheap barbarian costumes. Probably cost about 3 bucks to make and about 20 bucks for the whole cast. Actors probably made it themselves.
- FOG MACHINE.
- Fog makes the best set design.
- "Leave this Land. And Never return". Best line delivery ever. sounds like a dumb surfer/hair metal guy.
- There is no way this barbarian can fit into this futuristic early 90's world.
- this score does scream Troma Release.
- I like how feathered these barbarians air is.
- Stalk that bitch.
- A sex scene without nudity in a barbarian movie. Shame on you movie, Shame.
- This movie is written in a barbaric form of Shakespearean.
- Never lose sight of the amulet.
- Too much badness to document.
- This almost 8-bit score is louder than the dialog. I have the volume all the way up and I can not hear them talk. Maybe that's a good thing.
- 20:18 Boobs.
- Do thoughts of sadness fill your head?
- 26:20 Rape.
- I don't know whats going on.
- The bad guy has the crystal amulet and the other wants to pawn in for gold coins then they disappear.
- I can't hear anything. Speak up dammit.
- Just go to Modern Day 1990 LA already. I'm getting bored.
- Grown men are running around pretending to be birds while sword fighting.
- These guys sure play a fun make-a-believe.
- Are they going to rape him now.
- No, they just tied him up for the hell of it.
- Why do I watch movies like this. There is plenty of good films I have not seen, but no I have watch a barely audible movie about a time traveling barbarian who 50 minutes into this film still hasn't time traveled.
- I think watching this movie might make me reevaluate my life.
- You know, I started to watch the director's cut of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but stopped it to finish Time Barbarians. I haven't seen Close Encounters for at least 10 years. I really don't remember that movie. But I know its a good movie.
- 51 minutes in finally Modern Day 1990 LA.
- This is a super white street gang for LA. You never hear of drive byes involving Fat White bleached blonde guys.
- And these white street gangs always laugh. They never stop.
- Of things to be amazed by in the future, he is amazed by a fence.
- 56:26 My Banner/logo Picture.
- Stuff is happening,
- Oh, Snap! A Sword fight with Time Barbarians in Modern Day 1990 LA.
- END.
This movie SUCKS, but it has it's moments.The movie is better as a random picture on this website.
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