Friday, April 30, 2010

Entry #9 Top 10 Slasher Films - Part 1



I just got the new issue of HorrorHound (one of my favorite horror movie magazines) and they had a great article on Slasher Films from A to Z, which featured several I had not seen. Including Doom Asylum which they gave it a high review and said it's the perfect film for a bad movie night. I quickly purchased it from deepdiscount.com for $7.44.

I have always loved slasher films, since a young age, I've watched them. When I was a kid I would always rent all the Friday the 13th films from a near by video store called Video Barn, which was also a pet store. So, When I talk about slasher films there is a great deal of nostalgia, simuliar to normal kids feelings towards Disney.

Any-who, the article got me in the mood for some slasher films, so I thought I would list of my top ten favorite slasher films. Keep in mind, this is not a complete list. There is still several slasher film I have not seen and I'm pretty sure I have forgot some.

10. Slaughter High (1986) Directed by George Dugdale, Mark Ezra, Peter Mackenzie Litten


Summary According to imdb.com: A group of popular students play a cruel prank on a shy nerd resulting in a terrible accident. Years later a reunion is held where each of the students face a stalker killer who may be the same nerd out for revenge.

This isn't a good movie, having 3 directors when it's not an anthology movie is a sign that it's going to be terrible. But, slasher films are not judge on normal film merits. I first saw this movie on USA's Up All Night around 2am. This is a perfect movie for that time slot. It was good enough to keep me awake and bad enough to keep me interested. But, what I truly love about this movie is the use of every slasher/horror movie cliche including a brilliantly bad ending which causing you to yell "Really? That just happened." Good News, this movie is available on DVD and it's cheap.



9. The Mutilator (1985) Directed by Buddy Cooper



Summary According to imdb.com: As a child, Ed was cleaning his father's hunting rifles for as part of a surprise birthday treat for his old man when one firearm accidentally discharges fatally striking his own mother in the back. His father, Jack Sr came home, saw his wife dead, and blaming his own offspring tried to commit infanticide before Ed managed to escape his father's murderous antics. Leaving his old man to sleep into mournful psychosis as he began pouring whiskey down his slain wife's throat. Ed now in his teens returns back to his family home, his dad long since supposedly vanished...only he hasn't and has been waiting for a chance to even the score with his kid...right about...now

This is a very violent and gory movie and like almost all slasher film, dumb as hell. But the great death scenes mixed in with the several sex comedy-like montages make this movie great. Plus, I love the psycho killer dad in the movie, horribly killing thirty year-old teens with a big fish hook. This is a fun movie to watch with a group, but unfortunately not on DVD, but I heard there is talk on releasing it.



8. The Burning (1981) Directed by Tony Maylam



Summary According to imdb.com: A janitor at a summer camp is accidentally burned severely from a prank. Years later, he is released from an institute, and returns to the camp with a pair of hedge clippers to take revenge on the campers.

This is the Weinsteins' first movie and features great special effects by Tom Savini, but whats this camp slasher movie really good is the characters. The movie forms well rounded characters who you actually don't wanna see die. That is rare for a slasher film. People actually don't start dying until about 30 to 40 minutes into the film and when people start dying it sure is a blood bath. The film even features Oscar winning Fisher Stevens plus actors Jason Alexander and Holly Hunter. A Must see for horror fans and is available on DVD.



7. Alice Sweet Alice (1977) Directed by Alfred Sole



Summary According to imdb.com: Alice Spages is a withdrawn 12 year old girl who lives with her mother, Catherine, and her younger sister, Karen. Karen gets most of the attention from her mother, and Alice is often left out of the spotlight. But when Karen is found brutally murdered in a church before her first holy communion, all suspicions are turned towards Alice. But is a twelve year old girl really capable of such savagery? As more people begin to die at the hands of a merciless killer, Alice becomes more and more likely of a suspect.

This early slasher film is more in the vain of a Italian Giallo and is creepy as hell. This is actually an all round good movie. It's an old fashion horror movie with a body count. This was made before the slasher movie boom and therefore more original and not as gimmicky.

TRAILER


HERE IS THE FULL MOVIE, YOU'RE WELCOME.


6. The Prowler (1981) Directed by Joseph Zito



Summary According to imdb.com: The film begins with the return home of a wwII veteran who was the recipient of a "Dear John Letter". After swiftly dispatching a courting couple in a Gazebo we leap to present day where a college celebration becomes the hunting ground for a uniform clad killer.

Joseph Zito is a highly underrated director. He's done such awesome films as Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Meatballs III among others. Tom Savini supplies the special effects making this an excellent horror movie and a must with fans. Its also available on DVD for a cheap price.








PART 2 COMING SOON.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Entry #8 Movie of the Day

For today's Movie of the Day, I looked at imdb's list of the bottom 100 films. http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom and I choose...

ED (1996)Directed by Bill Couturié



Summary: LOOK AT POSTER.

Who says a monkey can't play baseball. Becuase they can. They can also win my heart.

I recently purchased this movie for 3 dollars at Big Lots. I haven't seen this movie since it came out and frankly never liked this movie, but I bought it any way because I have a problem. I'm a sucker for animal playing sports movies. My favorite is Homeboy with Mickey Rourke. "Funny, It acts like people."

10 REASON THIS FILM KICKS ASS.
1. No Monkey Really A Midget in a Monkey Suit.
2. Jack Warden.
3. Livin with a Monkey.
4. Monkey Mad Cab.
5. Monkey Choas.
6. Tagline, "Minor League. Major Friendship" makes me feel people emotions.
7. Monkey=Comedy.
8. Always wanted to High-Five a monkey.
9. Monkey induced Comedy.
10. ?


Entry #7 Prince

Not sure how, but I found these awesome videos while looking for Bacon videos.



Entry #6 BACON

BACON. I WANT SOME FUCKIN' BACON. LIKE, RIGHT NOW.








Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Entry #5 - Bread

I was wondering how to make beard from scratch, so I googled it.

- Eli J Osman

Entry #4 - Movie of the Day

This is a new feature for the newly formed eliosman.com or Blob Blog, Movie of the Day. Since, I'm lazy and writing something everyday is some form of work, I am just going to post a trailer of a movie I love and given reason why it kicks ass. Today's movie is...

Conquest (1983) Directed by Lucio Fulci.


Summary According to imdb.com - Italian sword and sorcery epic from splatter director Lucio Fulci loosely inspired from the Hercules mythos about two warriors on a quest and a vengeful demon who throws all kinds of nasty creatures along the way to fill scenes of gory violence.

I guess the movie is about that. I have only seen it three times and I'm still not sure.

10 REASONS THIS MOVIE KICKS ASS.
1. First 15 Minutes
2. Laser Arrows.
3. Fucking Laser Arrows.
4. Set Design is basically a fog machine.
5. Like All Fulci movies; Story, Plot, and Understanding the movie isn't important.
6. Werewolf/Wookie Looking Creature.
7. The Female Naked Destro Villain.
8. Brilliant Synth Score.
9. Obviously Fulci Coke Filled Movie.
10. Brilliance of Italian Rip-Off Cinema.



For a more in-depth review of Conquest read my friend, Tucker's review at This Cole Slaw Makes Me Sick. link Below.
http://thiscoleslawmakesmesick.blogspot.com/2007/11/movie-review-conquest-aka-la-conquista.html

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Entry #3 56 Old Movie Pitches

Here is a some old movies pitches I wrote in 2006 and several throughout the years on an old blog. I kind of remember these. Some are funny. Enjoy

- Eli J Osman

1. Twilight Zone without Irony Twists

2. Frankenstein Monster's Rides a Moped

3. Zombie Waterside

4. Law & Order: Special Keystone Unit

5. Ernest Borgnine is Batman

6. Dracula Mow's Your Lawn (Game Show)

7. Marooned in Space (Movie then TV Show)

8. The Eli Osman Show

9. The Great Gazoo Vs. Predator (Whoever Wins, We Die)

10. Tornadoes in Space

11. Guess Who 2: Even More Racist

12. Jeremiah Young Run for Fifth Grade Class President, Today

13. The Hitcher: Hitch Part 2

14. Kramer Vs. Kramer (Remake [Whoever Wins, We Die])

15. The Devil's Rain II

16. Corpse Tossing

17. Two Half Men

18. 12 Angry Black Men

19. Fishing With Vampires

20. Watch Eli Osman Watch TV

21. Underwater Dating Game

22. Fortune Cookie or Onion Ring

23. Doc Hollywood with Talking Cars

24. Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman

25. The Peter Weller Colgate Comedy Hour

26. Kelly Ripa, Assassin

27. Eli Osman, Agent of Justice

28. ?

29. Samuel L Jackson Yells at People for 90 Minutes

30. Pants Off, Dance Off: The Movie

31. Timmy the Tooth, Sexual Predator

32. Kettle Chips Vs. Ruffle Chips (Whoever Wins, We Die)

33. Attack of the Killer 30% Off Tomatoes (A Sale So Good it's Deadly )

34. Dracula's Mid-Term Exam

35. An American Werewolf President (Michael Douglas as a werewolf President)

36. Zombie Reagan Vs. Zombie Ford

37. Frank the Umpire Vampire (Your Out.....of Blood)

38. Friday the 13th Part 14 Jason Takes Your Seat

39. Samuel L Jackson Yells at Eli for 90 Minutes (It'll be funny cause I'm in it)

40. An Tooth Brush Runs for Senate (and Wins)

41. Jurassic Park of Flies (a Park full of clones of Jeff Goldbulm in The Fly)

42. Star Trek in Space

43. Peanuts trapped in Peanut Shells

44. Coffee Break: The Movie (Random Scenes of People on there Coffee Break)

45. Uwe Boll's Citizen Kane (I wish)

46. A version of Eraserhead that makes sense

47. Dakota Fanning Killing Hobos

48. Documentary on How Halloween III is Good and Everyone is Wrong

49. A Non-Christmas Tim Allen Movie

50. A Comedy Featuring the Music of Smash Mouth

51. Monday Night Football - A slasher film where a NFL football team comes to a small Indiana Town to Kill teenagers.

52. Turner and Cujo - Tom Hanks teams up with Stephen King's Cujo to catch criminals or possibly Tom Hanks gets mauled for 90 min.

53. Dakota Fanning Kills Hobos - This idea was in a previous entry but I believe it is worth mentioning again.

54. Rance Taylor: Space Lawyer - The twist to this movie or maybe TV show or Both is this movie doesn't take place in space and Rance Taylor is not a Space Lawyer, it is actually about Rance Taylor who rapes children.

55. Lenny & Squiggy: Time Cops

56. Number 23 Part 2 - A guy gets angry when he realizes that most numbers don't equal 23 and that the movie sucked ass. Based on a True Story

Entry #2

Here is a stupid video I made one day with Tucker. It's dumb, but fun I guess. Just watch or not, I do not care.

- Eli J Osman

HANGIN' WITH RANDY/TRAVIS from Eli Osman on Vimeo.

Entry #1

HELLO. tap HELLO. tap tap IS THIS THING ON? HELLO. tap HOW DOES THIS STUPID THING WORK? I DON'T THINK THIS USELESS CONTRAPTION WORKS. DAMN JAPS.

HOWDY Y'ALL!

I am trying a new experiment. I am going to see how long I could last by writing a blog entry a day before completely abandoning it. My guess is about a week. The rules are simple, I write something on this site within 24 hours of the previous entry. Each entry needs to be at least one sentence complete or not. Now I'm bored with this entry. Here is a stupid video I randomly found. It's highlights from the amazing film, The Swarm. It's about BEES. Enjoy.

-Eli J Osman