Entry #103 - Finding The Right Bad Movie

There is something about Bad Movies I can not get enough of, the sleaze, the ill-prepared, the cheapness of these movies appeals to me on many levels. Even at a young age, I remember trolling the vast VHS selection at my hometown video store, The Video Barn, which was also a pet shop. I was always drawn to the crazy covers and over-the-top gimmicks, which never fail to disappoint or always disappoint or something like that.  So over the years, I learned a great deal about Bad Movies, so here is some guidelines to go by on finding/enjoying/tolerating that perfect Bad Movie:

1. Better Aged: Like fine wine, fine cheeses, and Larry Fine. Bad Movies are better with age. New Movies need some time to sit before they can truly be appreciated. Being a film snob it's easy to dismiss new movies. So, unless your brave give the movie some time. 
2. Shorter the Better: 82 minutes or less is the perfect length for a Bad Movie. Most likely, the movie will feel longer than it actually is, so shorter is always better.
3. Boredom is Normal: Don’t give up on the movie just because you are bored because usually a Bad/Good scene will pull you back in.
4. Better Discovered: I believe Bad Movie are better discovered than forced upon. Nothing is better than enjoying the randomness of a random bad movie randomly chosen at random.
5. Don’t Over-Sell: Its easy to get excited when talking about a bad movie to someone else, but you should make sure you don’t give too much away. The surprise factor of these movies is important.
6. The Auteur: If you enjoyed the film look for the director’s other works maybe this is more gold is discover.

With that knowledge, you are ready to enjoy the seedy underbelly of cinema.

Entry #102 - LETTERS BY BUSTER H. McHENRY

Dear Readers,
Buster H. McHenry's nephew Dustin sent me some letters that Buster wrote and I had to share it with you. He also sent me some Movie Reviews he wrote a while ago. I will share those when I can.
                                                                                                                           - Eli

To: Tom Hanks
From: Buster H. McHenry
Date: Sept. 23rd, 2009

DUSTIN: MAKE SURE YOU PROOFREAD THIS BEFORE MAILING IT. I DON'T GOT FUCKING TIME FOR THAT SHIT.

Dear Mr. Hanks,

I recently saw you on the superstation. TBS , I believe is the proper name. They were showing this movie about the E Mail. Being new to the E Mail, I wasn't confused by the plot like I originally thought. I HATE technology. It's all too damn fast. My nephew, Dustin showed me this stupid E Mail
thing and taught me how too use it. Writing on these things just feel so fucking strange. So, basically what I am trying to say is... I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS! After Dustin showed me the E Mail, I saw your film. Not once has the E Mail talked to me like in your movie. I called the company and never checked my speakers, but still no E Mail voice. YOUR MOVIE IS A FUCKING LIE! I know you may of not wrote and/or made this film, but you're a major player in the Jew run Hollywood. You can make whatever the fuck you want and do whatever the fuck you want. I know Hollywood, I worked my God Damn ass of there for 8 fucking years in that hellhole. I saw my share of God Damn fame craving whores blowing every cock in town, so they can have their stupid fake misspelled names written on your shit covered sidewalks. I thought you were different from that. I loved your work on those Family Ties episodes playing that carpet muncher Meredeth Baxter's brother. I didn't care for Forrest Gump. I believe the retards should not be encouraged. So in-closing, that movie was terrible. You should have known better.  I have no idea how this letter is going to get to you.

                                                                                             FUCK YOU.
                                                                                             Buster H. McHenry

Entry #101 - 100 Films: 90-81

90. The King of Marvin Gardens (1972)

Directed by Bob Rafelson

Its great to see Bruce Dern playing the normal Jack Nicholson role and Jack in a very different role. The only other performance that comes close to this one is About Schmidt. Plus I love movies about the awesomeness that is the decaying Atlantic City.

89. Rambo (2008)

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

This movie is pure awesome. I love dumb fun action movies and this tops almost all of them. I prefer the extended Director's Cut which has a better flow and a better title, John Rambo. This movie is guaranteed to blow your mother fucking mind.

88. The Last Waltz (1978)

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Best concert film from one of best directors and one of the best rock bands. That's about all I can say, oh, and also Van Morrison is more leprechaun than man.

87. Smokey and the Bandit (1976)

Directed by Hal Needham

I fucking love this movie, its fun as hell and anyone who doesn't like this movie is a liar and not a friend of mine. And also who in the hell do they think they are? Not liking this movie. IT'S SMOKEY AND THE MOTHER FUCKING BANDIT. ITS A GOD DAMN MASTERPIECE.

86. The Elephant Man (1980)

Directed by David Lynch

The Second David Lynch film on my list and also my favorite of his movies. This movie is a sad and beautiful tale, I really don't have a joke for this one. Oh wait, I do...It's a good make-out movie.

85. The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)

Directed by William A. Wellman

Another brilliant western of the endless westerns on my list. One of my favorite Henry Fonda movies. A must watch for all movie fans both new and old.

84.The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Directed by John Huston

Worst movie about birds ever. But an amazing Crime movie.

83. Planet of the Apes (1969)

Directed by Franklin J. Schaffiner

Monkeys are funny.

82. First Blood (1982)

Directed by Ted Kotcheff

If I put the last Rambo movie on my list I must put the first Rambo movie, that's how it works.

81. The General (1926)

Directed by Clyde Brickman & Buster Keaton

This is my all time favorite Buster Keaton movie and also my favorite Civil War movie. Also what is so civil about war anyway?

Entry #100 - 100 Films: 100 - 91

With My 100th Entry I am proud to introduce My Top 100 Films. This is the first ten, enjoy.

100. Dune (1984)

Directed by David Lynch

Rated  PG-13

137 / 177 / 190 Mins.

This really isn't a good movie, but dammit I love this movie. I have seen both the theatrical and the Alan Smithee Extended Cut and even a Fan edit. I don't really know way I like this movie, but I find the whole mess that is Dune both book and movie very intriguing. For that reason, it's number 100.

99. Star Trek (2009)

Directed by J.J. Abrams

Rated PG-13

127 Mins.

This movie is just awesome and I wanted some new movies on my list to show movies are still good. This film is widely entertaining and captures both my love for Star Trek and more importantly my love for action films.

98. The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)

Directed by John Huston

Rated PG

120 Mins.

I love John Huston and his films. This movie is just a fun western with some amazing performances and oddly enough based on a true story. I mostly love Stacy Keach in this film as "Bad Bob".

97. The Hunting Party (1971)

Directed by Don Medford

Rated R

111 Mins.

I caught this film on Encore Westerns a few years ago and was blown away. I have always been a big fan of Gene Hackman and I was surprised I had never heard of this film. Its an amazing revenge western with great performances by Gene Hackman, Oliver Reed, and Candice Bergen. I love how this movie deals with the struggle of good versus evil, its very The Crossing Guard-like.

96. No Name On the Bullet (1959)

Directed by Jack Arnold

Not Rated

77 Mins.

The 1950's was an incredible time for westerns, with the ever-growing television covering the market in westerns, the movie industry had to step up their game and films like this one strengthen the genre.

95. Scarecrow (1973)

 Directed by Jerry Schatzberg

Rated R

112 Mins.

Hackman and Pacino hitchhiking talking about opening up a car wash. What's not to like?

94. A Boy and His Dog (1975)

Directed by L.Q. Jones

Rated R

91 Mins.

This is a weird Post-Apocalyptic dark comedy and therefore on my list and featuring Don Johnson sure doesn't hurt.

93. High Noon (1952)

Directed by Fred Zinneman

Not Rated

85 Mins.

I don't really need to explain this one, I love Western and this is one of the most important westerns. 'Nuff said.

92. Tender Mercies (1983)

Directed by Bruce Beresford

Rated PG
92 Mins.

Robert Duvall is great in this movie and I'm a sucker for good performances and surprisingly this movie is very well made from the director of Double Jeopardy and the vomit and poop filled Barry McKenzie films.

91. The Apartment (1960)

 Directed by Billy Wilder

Not Rated

125 Mins.

This movie is a classic and on the Adi's 100 list and so it makes it on mine. Plus it's really good.

Entry #99 - HorrorHound Weekend

Nov. 12-14 in Cincinnati, OH
this is Happening...

I will be there Saturday, you all should too.

Entry #98 - Random Pictures

Random Pictures topic for today is...COUCH

Entry #97 - Film #17-20

Its still October and It's also time to catch on the 31 Days of Halloween entries I pretty much abandoned.

Film #17: Of Unknown Origin (1983)

Directed by George P. Cosmatos

Rated R

88 Mins.

Watched on DVD.

Peter Weller battles a large rat that is taring up his house and pretty much goes crazy in the process. This is directed the great director of Cobra and Tombstone, I believe this is his best movie. Peter Weller is also excellent. This film also shows you how great Canadian Horror film were in the eighties. You can find this movie really cheap, I got mine at Big Lots. I suggest you get one too.  

Film #18: Murder Party (2007)

Directed by Jeremy Saulnier

Unrated

79 Mins.

Watched on DVD.

Some random guy is invited to a party so the people throwing it can kill him for Art sake or something like that. This is a fun low-budget horror film. For some odd reason this film is that well known and its better than most big-budget horror films. 

Film #19: Lifeforce (1985)

Directed by Tobe Hooper

Rated R

116 Mins.

Watched on DVD.

I fucking love this movie. Its about Space Vampire to the best of my knowledge. Has some of the best nude scene in film history. Its a cannon produced mess, but its amazing to watch. Probably my second favorite Tobe Hooper film. I will probably write a full in-depth review of this movie in the future, but until then here is the whole movie.

Film #20:Dressed to Kill (1981)

Directed by Brian De Palma

Rated R.

105 Mins.

Watched on DVD.

Brian De Palma, Michael Caine, an in-her-prime Nancy Allen, whats not to like. A blonde in a red dress is murdering Michael Caine's patients. There is plot twist and what-not. It's a fun movie. Watch it.

Entry #96 - Film #16: KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

Day #16 of Eli Osman.com's 31 Days of Halloween. All day today I have had a song stuck in my head. That song is "Shout it Out Loud" by KISS. So for Today's film I have proudly chosen the Hanna Barbara produced TV movie...

KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

 Directed by Gordon Hessler

Not Rated

96 Mins. 

Watched a Bootleg Copy

Summary

The tale of rock band KISS and their efforts to thwart a diabolical plan by mad scientist Abner Devereaux. Devereaux has found a way to clone humans into robots in his laboratory at an amusement park. It just so happens that he plans to uses the KISS concert as a platform to unleash his plan on the world. KISS must use their special powers to stop him

Just out at Peter Criss on that cover. Just look at him. He is my favorite member of KISS, mostly because he is the worst member of KISS. Not that is is a bad musician, but he has the worst persona. He is a cat for crying out loud and not a tiger or something, but more of an Andrew Lloyd Weber cat. The weird thing about this movie is that people like it mainly because it exist. A Hanna Barbara TV movie aimed for kids with a Scooby Do like plot featuring the crazy rock band KISS. That craziness is what drew me to this movie, surprisingly this movie isn't that good. But no matter what I say about this movie, you will still watch it. Its a movie for kids starring KISS, it will be watched.

Grade: Peter Criss